June 2009
2 posts
April 2009
2 posts
March 2009
4 posts
Memo:
Attn: All Naughty Non-Profit Employees
Date: March 8, 2009
RE: Boogers
birdgirl:
Some people in my office put their used tissues in the recycle bin.
I mean, thanks for trying, but it just doesn’t work that way.
Now I know why the recycle man wears gloves…
February 2009
2 posts
January 2009
3 posts
Public Naughty Non Profit Announcement
malty:
Dear coworker that makes me want to poke my eyes out,
You are right. We do have a differences in opinions. You think you are perfectly sane, where as I think you should be committed. Please don’t forget to take your pills.
Always,
Kaylinn
Water Cooler Gossip: I have a knack for predicting...
Nico: Remember that thing I told you would probably happen a couple weeks ago?
E: About [redacted]?
Nico: Yeah. Apparently it's in full swing. I had no idea that so many girls in the office were into fucking well below their station
E: This won't end well
Nico: Does it ever?
December 2008
1 post
“Thanks for the hot snowjob!”
– This is what the dancers say to the stage hands after every snow corps scene in the Urban Nutcracker as the stage hands make it snow buckets every night. It’s really catching on…especially after it snowed for real outside!
November 2008
6 posts
Innappropriate email sent to a co-worker
To [Redacted]: we work together. we dont talk much but we did 2 days in a row. today, you tucked in your shirt and were moving your hands in your jeans pockets. really want to see what you got in there.
(via)
October 2008
10 posts
Water Cooler Gossip
hiiamblair:
CEO to coworker: You know, you’d be a really good starter wife.
Ladies this is not a good enough excuse for...
i think i’m going to leave a few mins early. i have to go wax the vag.
(via officed & borednyc)
Water Cooler Gossip:
Cankles: Can you believe that Abercrombie & Fitch wants to hire only pretty people?
Blonde: Well, if you went to a hair salon and all you saw were people with ugly haircuts, wouldn’t you think twice before having them cut your hair?
Cankles: Hmmm...I go to Super Cuts.
Blonde: Oh...well good thing we don't work at Abercrombie & Fitch then right?
Cankles: Um...
To All Potential Employees
When submitting your resume be aware of the following…this is a list of criteria we will be using to help narrow down our pool of potential employees:
1. Candidate claimed to be a member of the Kennedy family
2. Applicant invented a school that did not exist
3. Job seeker submitted a résumé with someone else’s photo inserted into the document
4. Candidate claimed to be a member of...
Out of Office Reply Messages
MEMO:
Attn: All Naughty Non Profit Staff
Date: October 15, 2008
Please, disregard all Out of Office Reply Messages that were just sent…Mary was drunk and has since been fired.
-HR
Out of Office Reply Messages
MEMO:
Attn: All Naughty Non Profit Staff
Date: October 15, 2008
These are all acceptable out of office reply messages
-HR
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received...
“Maybe it’s premature of me to say this but…..I think our “buddy”...”
– One NNP coworker to myself after our daily source of crazy walked into the building singing hello.
September 2008
21 posts
Office survival tip #10
officed:
The game on Fridays is to see how little work you can do while still being at the office.
Desk Rage
September 22: Desk Rage
The peak of office employee stress levels which ultimately starts with the screaming of vulgar language within the workplace. It can often times lead to assaulting fellow employees, abusing office equipment and/or stealing of company property, abusing sick days and ultimately poor production at work. A possible side effect is that the employee continues to take out his or...
Oh the things I wish I would have said had I been...
Caller: Yes, I was wondering if I could get more information about the event tonight?
Me: Sure. what would you like to know?
Caller: Is clothing optional?
Me: Uhhhh . . . .
Caller: I'm a nudist
Me: Well, it's a . . . well uhhhh. . . .it's a business so no, you have to wear clothes.
Caller: Is there any reason for that?
Me: Well, we serve food, for one.
Caller: Oh. I see. Ehhh - ok. Thanks for the info.
“99% of the time you just sit there so you can read or tumbl or whatever. ...”
– dustin describing a potential job…seems a bit naughty right?
I'm stuck in my apartment building's elevator
MEMO:
Attn: All Naughty Non Profit Employees
Date: September 15, 2008
20 minutes is sufficient time to wait before urinating openly while trapped in an elevator at work.
-The Management
noahkai:
asprettyasasong:
suitep:
dearconbon:
I’ve been here for about 20 min so far. I’m surprisingly calm. I’ve been assured that help is on the way. Does anyone know how long you have to wait before...
I know you *think* it's a good idea, but it's...
frangry:
So there’s this woman at work who goes to the bathroom with a bottle of some purple smelly ass spray from Bath and Body Works or something. And as she’s shitting, she constantly flushes the toilet (like that’s going to make a difference?) and sprays this fucking disgusting concoction. The smell of shit mixed with boisenberry makes me want to die.
“as of friday, naughtynonprofit terminated me after my 5yrs of service there. i...”
– Unfortunately this is a true account from my office of someone, who it seems was forced out for knowing too much. He was a great guy.
“Melted organza and candle wax for miles….it was like a whorehouse caught fire.”
– Water Cooler Gossip
(via madyago)
Shh.... from the Office Prankster
Today’s lesson: Tiny amounts of annoyance reap giant rewards over time.
1.) Pick your least favorite, most prone to mental illness co-worker.
2.) Remove all the staples out of their stapler everytime they’re gone. EVERYTIME they’re gone.
Inappropriate Out of Office Reply #847
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
-Cookie Plant
“You must work in a casual office.”
– Some conservative woman commenting on my outfit in the elevator. (via rockuboff)
From the Lowlifes in IT
September 04: Interneuter Loosing your connection to the internet Johnny was interneutered suddenly by his cable company which left him feeling much like his cat who was neutered a few days ago.
Water Cooler Gossip
Business Provocative: So have you seen “The Ducklings” in the Boston Common?
Ed: Yeah…they are cute…I walk by them often.
Business Provocative: So the other day…it looks like someone knitted them little hats and scarves and now they are wearing them. It’s so adorable!
(Business meeting goes on for about twenty minutes….)
Ed: (looking scared, bewildered and excited, much like a child) Umm…how did they catch the ducklings to get the scarves around their necks?
(“The Ducklings” is a statue based on the book “Make Way for Ducklings” for you non-Bostonians or non-readers).
Oh the things I wish I would have said had I been...
Caller: Yes, I was wondering if I could get more information about the event tonight?
Me: Sure. what would you like to know?
Caller: Is clothing optional?
Me: Uhhhh . . . .
Caller: I'm a nudist
Me: Well, it's a . . . well uhhhh. . . .it's a business so no, you have to wear clothes.
Caller: Is there any reason for that?
Me: Well, we serve food, for one.
Caller: Oh. I see. Ehhh - ok. Thanks for the info.